It’s the little moments that count with our kids and I am trying to be very intentional with our time together.  I make sure that I am playful with him even when I am trying to work or clean house.  He can help me in his own way and he feels valued. Our family is very playful and so play times often come up just in normal situations.  Even though I am exhausted, I try to make the time special in a small way.

Traditions or routines are very important to children and special needs children look forward to them.  I try to read to him from a “special book” of collected stories each night.  He has to earn the book with his good behavior but we make sure we spend time together before bedtime reading, singing or playing pat a cake. These little moments are what he will remember when he grows older.  Maybe he won’t remember a particular day, but he will cherish the time he spent with me.  These are also special times for me, too as I slowly watch my son grow up and begin to mature.

Mother’s Day is a gentle reminder of our sacrifice and even if your child will never be able to speak to you, you can tell that they love you.  Mothers just know.  Sometimes people put us up on a pedestal because they can’t fathom doing what we do, but we aren’t saints.  We have our flaws and our moments of weakness.  But we keep trudging on because our child needs us more than ever.  Frustration is probably our greatest flaw because we are frustrated on many levels.  But it all goes away when our child smiles or has an amazing break through.  That is why we do it.  We love our children.

I am very blessed to have a special needs child and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Yes, we all dream of a “normal” child but my son is special in his own way and gives me so much joy in return.  Our children are blessings and challenges all wrapped up in our child.  We have a connection that cannot be duplicated or taken away.  Each Mother’s Day I remember how blessed I am to have my son and how blessed that I am his mother.  Happy Mother’s Day to all you blessed Mothers of Special Needs Children!

Spring has sprung, and it’s the perfect time to sample Arizona’s events. The weather is perfect and the functions are fabulous, so it’s time to get out and enjoy.

As the Cactus League Spring Training season comes to an end, the regular season baseball games began on April 3. The Arizona Diamondbacks opened their season against the Brewers at 6:40pm at Chase Field. If major league baseball isn’t your speed, Little League games are now in full swing, as well.

The Easter Bunny makes his appreance at Golfland/Sunsplash in Mesa on April 6th and 7th in celebration of Easter.  From 10 a.m. to noon both days, children 10 and under can hunt the grounds for prizes ranging from candy to SunSplash season passes.  Pre-registration is required and the cost is $4.00.

April 14th is chock full of activities for kids and their parents alike.  Start the day off at Crismon Elementary school in Mesa for the school carnival.  The event starts at 10 a.m. and features a dunk tank, cake walk, carnival games, snacks and bounce houses for the kids.  After a morning at the school, bring the whole family out to Encanterra in the far east valley for an afternoon enjoying a concert.  The Good Life Festival features performances by 70′s and 80′s favorites Styx and The Guess Who.  Lawn seats are available for $30.00, for $40.00, reserved spots include premium seating in front of the stage, and VIP packages, available for $120.00, include private restrooms, valet parking, a private lunch before the show and upgraded seating.

Adults can wrap up the day at the Tequilazona!, the 3rd annual celebration of all things tequila.  The festivities take place on Saturday, the 14th, from 6-9 p.m. at the Tempe Marketplace.  Leave the kids at home and enjoy all 150 different types of tequila, as well as tequila-paired appetizers, with live entertainment to be provided by Sonan.  Free parking is available and the event is $45.00 in advance and $60.00 at the door.

If the tequila doesn’t do you in, wake up early on April 15th for the Glendale Family Bike Ride.  Riders of all ages and abilities are invited to a free bike riding event slated to begin at 8 a.m.  There are two rides, the 15 mile and the 6 mile rides, through the neighborhoods of Glendale. The event is free, but pre-registration and helmets are required.

Later in the month, try a Stargazing for Everyone outing with the whole family.  Bring blankets and chairs and listen to professional stargazers explain the night sky.  Participants can view the stars, moon and planets through poweful telescopes.  Cost is $6.00 per carload and the event will be held on April 21 at 7:30 p.m. at the Lake Pleasant Visitor Center.

Events abound in April; take advantage of the fun!

For those of you not living on planet Bieber, March 1st celebrates Justin Bieber’s 18th birthday.  That is correct; Justin Bieber is officially a man.  (His voice should be changing any minute now.)  In honor of this auspicious occasion, this blog is dedicated to him.  It’s the least I can do for my future son-in-law…

To say this young man has packed a lot into his 18 years is an understatement.  He’s been in a Superbowl commercial with Ozzy Osbourne; he was in the opening skit at this year’s Oscars; he’s sold a gazillion CDs and just hit 2 billion views on YouTube.  He’s written a best selling book (“First Step 2 Forever: My Story”), starred in his own movie, “Never Say Never”, and even has his own successful woman’s perfume, Someday, that of course, my daughter, Shannon, wears.  Not to mention his signature hair flip that had adolescent boys everywhere emulating his personal style.  And who can blame them?  For a kid who started out posting videos of himself on YouTube to amassing an estimated fortune from 65 million to 150 million, Bieber is my hero.

I often wonder though, if Shannon’s “real” boyfriend, Jesse, is intimidated by Shannon’s shrine to Justin Bieber.  Her room is practically wallpapered with images of this kid, ahem, man, and she has made no secret of her obvious obsession over all things Bieber.  What kind of pressure does a 16-year old guy have to compete with that?  Luckily for Jesse, the chances of Shannon ever meeting The Biebs are slim to none.  Not to say that Shannon would even stand a chance to date Bieber, considering his relationship with Disney star, Selena Gomez.  “Jelena”, as they are affectionately called in the press, have been going strong for about a year now, much to the dismay of my daughter.

So since JB had to wait an extra day to turn 18 (thanks to Leap Day), what sort of gift do you give the guy who literally has everything?  His manager presented him with a 2012 Fisker-Karma, an environmentally friendly, sleek, sportscar.  It’s good to be the Biebs.

My gift for Justin Bieber’s 18th birthday? (Besides this fabulous blog, you say?)  Wisdom.  Take it easy, young man.  Enjoy it while you can.  Life, itself, is fleeting, yet the life of a pop star can easily burn out faster than a shooting star.  Recognize that this may be your moment, and it can all change in the blink of an eye.  Don’t fall prey to the pratfalls of fame, like other teen sensations who have gone before you.  Learn from those mistakes and vow to always treat people well, because this spot at the top won’t always be there.  And while you’ll probably never see this “gift” from a mom you’ll never meet, I truly hope you enjoy your 18th birthday.

Yeah, I’d rather have the Fisker-Karma, too.

In a word: Motherhood.

Motherhood takes an immense toll on your body. You gain weight, your hips spread, and there are those inevitable stretch marks. Once upon a time, I was a tall, svelte, stick-figure-of-a-girl; that was B.C. (before children).

When my kids were young, you couldn’t have a play date at McDonald’s and have a salad.    No, you loaded up on greasy french fries and coke as you watched your toddlers play in the germ infested ball pit. (What did we know then?)  Back then, I didn’t have a jogging stroller and “liposuction” was something out of a science fiction novel.   Somehow, I just always assumed that my 5’10 frame would always snap back into place and that cranking out babies over the years wouldn’t have any affect on my body.  Yes, I am that naive.

I guess I can’t blame it all on my kids.  I mean, gravity plays a factor too.  As my 84 year old mother likes to remind me, I’m no spring chicken.  Not that I believe I am seriously overweight, but I know I have some work to do.  It just gets more difficult as I age.  I try not to obsess over petty things like how much I weigh as long as I am healthy, but I am a woman…

I know, too, that obsessing about my weight is not a healthy example for my daughters.  I want them to be proud of who they are inside and what they have to offer as people, as well as being healthy and active.  However, it doesn’t help when my daughter, Shannon, who was built just like me when I was younger, asks that stinging question, “So…is my body going to turn out like…yours?”

“Not if you marry Justin Beiber and you have a personal trainer, ” I responded.  She didn’t appreciate my sarcasm, but it made this portly parent feel better!

While I know I’ll never be a size six again, I am ok with that.  At 45, I have my health and while my body may not be supermodel-worthy,  I realize not to take my health for granted.  That is why, as one of my 2012 resolutions, I decided I would work on getting myself in better shape.  I am eating so much better (bye bye, McDonald’s) and exercising more. I am down 12 pounds so far and I feel better about myself, and that is what it’s all about, right?

If I really sit back and think about it, I wouldn’t trade places with my 20-year-old self, just to get my body back.  I am so much more well rounded–no pun intended–now at 45 than I was back then.  I am so much wiser now, my life is so much richer, that I actually feel sorry for the bony waif  I once was!  So no more fretting over my former zero percent fat frame–more power to voluptuous, curvy and smarter!   Besides, this body produced some of the most amazing and beautiful kids anyone could ever have, and that fact in and of itself is worth every ounce I’ve gained.

Pristine before "The Color Run"

When my co-worker, Adam, showed me the website for a 5K run called “The Color Run”, I was intrigued. I am not a runner and I am certainly not athletic by any means, but for some reason, this 5K seemed like it would be fun. When I found out it would benefit Cardon Children’s Medical Center, I was sold.

Cardon Children’s Medical Center was the hospital my son, Daniel, went when he had his appendix removed. Their facility was first rate and the nurses, doctors and volunteers could not have been more caring or concerned. While Daniel spent his week at Cardon’s, he was well taken care of. This 5K was not only intriguing but it also held an important meaning for me: it would be a way to walk for kids who couldn’t.

Now Adam is a runner. He is also a lot younger than I am, and he was in the military. After considering what I had gotten myself into, I knew there was no way I would be able to keep up with him. I get winded getting up and going into the kitchen, for Pete’s sake! However, Adam recruited our co-workers Cheri, Emelie and Emelie’s boyfriend, Andrew. Emelie would be my walking partner.

The idea behind “The Color Run” is that at each kilometer, a group of volunteers throw a primary color at the runners, who are clad in white t-shirts. By the end of the race, you are a Crayola box mess, doused in various powdered (and washable) colors.  This year was the first year this 5K was held in Arizona and it sold out!  About 6000 people participated in the event, held at Tempe Town Lake.

The morning was a gorgeous Saturday.  Our team, named of course by Adam, was “We’ve Got The Runs”.  Adam, Cheri, Andrew, Emelie and I initially milled about in a sea of white t-shirts.  Cardon Children’s Medical Center had a booth, as did BodyArmor, Fuze and 5 Hour Energy, to name a few.  We loaded up on some of the samples, slugged back some 5 Hour Energy drinks, and made our way to the starting line.

The guys and Cheri decided they were going to run, Emelie and I decided we would be “The Color Walkers”.  As the event started, a mass of people started running and they weaved around me and Emelie.  Emelie and I thought we should pick up our pace when we were passed by a mom with a stroller and a couple walking their white-t-shirt-clad dog.  As we approached the first color kilometer, we saw a huge bottleneck of people, all congregated within the yellow flags that indicated the first paint station.  It was situated like a color car wash; there were flags on either side of us and as we entered, volunteers with canary yellow powdered paint splashed us with color!  My arm was completely golden as we emerged on the other side and Emelie had a hard time keeping the chalk-like dust out of her mouth!

Our walk continued to the next color station, this one a bright emerald green.  The glut of participants had thinned out by this station, as the runners left the walkers in their (colored) dust.   While we vowed to hold our breath through the color wash, Em and I couldn’t help but laugh as we watched each other get pelted by paint!

The walk itself seemed to just fly by.  We were enjoying ourselves and watching the other participants:  people dressed in tutus, outlandish costumes, and groups of folks with crazy team names emblazoned on their shirts.   Emelie and I weren’t shy about trying to stand out in the colorful crowd as we posed for the camera people who were stationed at each kilometer.

Our third stop was the rich, royal purple, which was quickly added to our multi-hued t-shirts.  This was followed by the brilliant, bright pink shade that I literally rolled on the ground to get!  We stopped the walkers behind us, and I laid down on my back and rocked back and forth to achieve my desired coverage.  Not to be outdone, Emelie joined me in quick succession, as people stopped to watch us.

We came up on the finish line only to find thousands of people who had already achieved their goal, celebrating and taking pictures of their new prismatic clothing.  We found our other teammates who were equally doused in powder.  Adam had a few powder packets and he proceeded to sprinkle me and Emelie with the shocking orange–only to get it in Emelie’s mouth!

Our adventure was over in less than two hours, but the exhilarating day had just begun.  The Color Run celebrants danced to the DJ set up at the end of the course and threw powder packets in the air, creating a rainbow effect in the Tempe sky.  It was an awesome end to a very colorful day!

Emelie and me after our 5K

He stepped through airport security, looked back, and then he was gone.

It’s still hard for me to comprehend that Ryan, my son, has left for college.  I remind myself that he is pursuing his dream of playing baseball, getting his education, and experiencing a new state.  When the college opportunity and  a baseball scholarship presented themselves to Ryan, he took them.  I, however, am left at home with nothing but the memories.

Twenty years.  I have spent almost every day for the last twenty years having my son at home and suddenly, he’s gone.  I can’t help but reminisce about old times, pour over pictures and just miss him.

I can vividly remember the day his father and I brought it home from the hospital.  It was my father’s birthday, and my parents were visiting us from California.  We brought Ryan home in his little Boston Red Sox sleeper after his three day stay in the hospital.  To this day, Ryan is a huge Red Sox fan.  Since Ryan was our first baby, neither Ted, his father, nor I knew what to expect. While we learned having a newborn can be challenging at first, we agreed that unlike the Red Sox, our little Bambino was anything but a curse.

We marvelled over every minute detail of our perfect baby and documented his every milestone.  Not surprisingly, Ryan’s first word was “ball”.

He entertained us with his love of Barney the Dinosaur and the Disney movie, “Aladdin.”  Our VCR really got a workout between the two!

As he got older, his passions for “Power Rangers”, sports and video games replaced his toddler obsessions.  He excelled at soccer, just like his dad.

I pondered the rough times, too.  When Ryan’s father and I divorced, Ryan was forced to assume some adult responsibilities.  Although I worried about Ryan and his sister, I could always count on Ryan’s maturity.

At the age of 10, Ryan’s stepfather introduced him to what would become his greatest love:  baseball.  Ryan was a natural on the baseball field.  He made All-Stars every year, played with a traveling team and even played in a Varsity high school game when he was a sophomore.  It was on the Cubs spring training baseball field that Ryan would see his father for the last time.

For many kids, weathering the tumultous divorce of their parents coupled with the death of a parent might spell disaster for the child.  Ryan, however, remained strong and resilient.

Not to say that Ryan is an angel, by any stretch of the imagination.  He’s got a chip on his shoulder, he can be disrespectful  and when it comes to chores, he is downright lazy.  He’s kept me up nights when he’s broken curfew and then there was the time I had to accompany him to court for criminal speeding…

He’s been a challenge, but a fabulous challenge.  I miss his logic.  I miss his sarcasm.  I miss his knowledge of all things sports.  I even miss waiting up for him and worrying about when he would get home.

So now he is making new friends, and adjusting to a whole new world–just like Aladdin!  The last time I spoke with him, he told me he saw it snow for the first time in his life.  I can only imagine what other wonders are in store for him in the next five months.

While five months doesn’t seem like a long time, it already seems like an eternity since I have seen my baby boy.  And while I know he misses his girlfriend, Brooke, more than he misses me, it just confirms that he is growing up.  My heart swells with pride when I think of the man he has become and the man he is destined to be.

At the airport, he and Brooke shared some tender moments saying good-bye, even if it is only until spring break.  As he hugged me good-bye, he whispered in my ear, “Thank you for everything, Mom.  I don’t know what I would do without you and Brooke.”

He cried in the airport as he walked away, ready to embark on his first airplane ride alone, ever.  I tried not to think about the fact that he will be 1,668 miles from home, living in a state where he knows no one except his coaches.  I am proud of him for being so courageous and for pursuing his dream.

Just then, he stepped through airport security, looked back, and he was gone.

I am not a big technology person and generally, I like things “old school.” It took Christmas to change my mind.
Like many homes across America, we have a gaming system. My sons play it incessantly, so I never get a chance to even think about playing a game, even if I wanted to. That has all changed thanks to our newest family gift: the XBOX Kinect.

While Daniel loves to play any and all XBOX games, the Kinect games really get him involved. The system comes with a camera that scans the player so you are virtually playing the game. For instance, Daniel’s image was uploaded and he played an actual baseball game; swinging, pitching and even running the bases. Together, we’ve skied, played tennis and even darts. I have done more virtually this year than I have in real life! It’s an absolute blast!

Even my girls, Kayla and Shannon have gotten Kinect fever.  We all played “Wipeout”, a simulated version of the television show, and it gave us a workout.  There’s nothing like running an obstacle course in your family room for a little exercise, and hysterical laughter.  Apparently, I am quite a sight running in place as my avatar “races” down the course, only to be beaten by a 9 year old.  Again.

My favorite game, however, has to be the Michael Jackson Experience.  Players are scanned full body and get to select from a variety of Michael Jackson’s greatest hits–and there are a lot of them.  Each song has a choreographed dance routine that accompanies the song and the game participant is challenged to mimic the moves of the virtual dancers.  There is nothing more surreal than seeing yourself on a massive stage with two backup dancers, and trying to emulate the King of Pop.  I thought I knew the dance routine to “Thriller” but I  throughly embarrassed myself with a 58% score.  There go my dreams of dance stardom.

I was surprised that Daniel was so into the Michael Jackson game; I thought for sure he would be enamored with the sports games.  It seems, however, that Daniel is quite the ham, and he is ready to show his moves to anyone who dares watch.  The girls were both excited to play, but were much more hesitant to fully let go than Daniel.  That’s one of the attributes about Daniel that I love the most; he just does not care what other people think about him.  Surpringly, too, is that we were able to convince Ryan to strut his stuff, even if it was for just one song.  His girlfriend, Brooke, proved her hip hop step classes were not wasted; she blew us all away.  This particular game also gave me a renewed respect for Michael Jackson–that man could dance!  Not only are the routines complicated, but there are so many of them to learn.  The fact that MJ knew all the routines and made them seem effortless was quite the discernable task.

So although I am the last person I know without a GPS, IPAD, IPOD, or Smartphone, I am the proud owner of a Kinect system.  While others may be able to navigate the world wide web from the palm of their hand, I now know all the moves to “The Way You Make Me Feel”. ( HEE HEE, YOW)  It’s been fun spending so much time with my kids and maybe I’ll lose some weight, as a bonus. A Merry XBOX-mas, indeed!

New Year’s Eve isn’t exactly the holiday event that kids tend to participate in, especially if they are really young.  However, you can still make the day special for your child and they don’t have to stay up for it!

The official “Midnight” is actually noon for the kids.  That morning, have them make their own noisemaker by getting a paper plate and using rice or beans for the “noise” part.  Fold over the paperplate and then staple around the edges only halfway.  Then fill the plate with the rice or beans only about a quarter full.  Finish stapling the edges and then have them decorate the outside.

They can make or buy a holiday hat at the craft or party store. To add to the fun, have them decorate the hat with glitter, paper cut outs, jewels, etc.  If they want to dress up for the event, have them try on some of your old clothes or use their dress up clothes for the event.  You can even have them help you scrapbook your holiday pictures or re-make scrapbook pages for the pictures.

For snacks, you can serve Martinelli’s apple cider with little mini snacks.  Some food ideas are:  crackers with cheese slices, apple slices that you can dunk into yogurt, cheese sticks, nuggets in different shapes (mickey, dinosaurs, etc.), sweet potatoe fries, little bbq weiners, celery sticks with peanut butter on them and raisins, etc.  You can be as creative as you want with the menu items.

Music.  Pick out some of their favorite songs or artists and play them throughout the morning.  Encourage them to dance and have fun!  Have one song saved to use during the countdown.

For the countdown, break out the bubbles or bubble machines.  Do the countdown like it is done usually for New Year’s eve, but instead of confetti use the bubbles.  If they can blow on the bubbles, great.  If not, you can blow bubbles for them.  Kids love bubbles and enjoy watching them fly everywhere.

This is a relatively easy and cheap New Year’s Party that can be used not only for special needs kids, but the whole family or extended family as well.  The idea is about being creative and having fun!  Happy New Year!

Baseball. A blessing and a curse. It’s been a fabulous blessing to my son, Ryan, but also a real challenge, as well. When we found out he had some interest from some colleges to play baseball this fall, he was ecstatic. When choosing a school meant he’d be hundreds of miles from home, we were tentative. My advice for Ryan: follow your dream, wherever it may lead.

With that, my son and I set out on a whirlwind adventure. Since his finals are coming up, Christmas is imminent, and airline tickets are increasing daily, Ryan and I decided to check out these schools, pronto. We made our arrangements, enlisted the help of family and friends, and set out on the baseball college quest.
We left on a Wednesday afternoon, right after Ryan’s last class at school. We were seriously cutting the time close, and Ryan’s girlfriend, Brooke, drove as if she were on the Autobahn. Ryan and I ran through the airport and made it to the gate in just enough time.
“We pulled an O.J. Simpson in that airport,” I commented to him after we made our way onto the plane. He looked at me quizzically. “Of course, you don’t remember the O.J. Simpson commercials for Hertz when he would run through airports, leaping over obstacles, back in the day.”   He gave me a disapproving look and put in his earphones.

Later that afternoon, we landed in Dallas, Texas, to check out a small school in a Dallas suburb.  We ate at the Texas Roadhouse (of course–nice prediction, Brooke!) and met up with the coach.  He said they were looking to complete their pitching staff and had heard great things about Ryan.  As we drove onto the campus, we were met by a guard gate, complete with an arm barrier that raised as we entered the campus.  We drove along a tree lined drive and marveled at the beauty of the campus itself.  I wanted to go to school there!  Once we made almost a full circle around the entire campus, we found the baseball fields.  The coach met us there and escorted us around the campus on that brisk Thursday morning.

I was in awe of the beautiful trees and surroundings and commented to Ryan that Texas had an abundance of leaves, something that is lacking in Arizona.

“It must stink to have the job of raking all these leaves, ” he said.  Leave it to Ryan to hate a chore.

As the coach took us from building to building, I found myself thinking that I could see Ryan living there.  The campus was small, easy to maneuver, and the coach told us that the guard at the gate keeps record of the time that every person  enters the gate past 11 p.m.  When he mentioned 2 hour study hall that is monitored by a coach, I was sold.

Then, came the bad news:  Ryan would have to make up a class in Arizona before he could play on the Texas team.  That meant taking an online class over the Christmas holiday to prepare for January classes in Texas!  Also, Ryan struggled a bit while pitching, and his nerves didn’t help.  He was welcomed to the team, but told in no uncertain terms that he would have a secondary role.

Ryan was dejected, but I told him obstacles are meant to be overcome, and I mentioned the O.J. Simpson commercial again.  For some reason, he did not see the humor in my analogy and pointed out the error of my logic:  things didn’t turn out too well for O.J.  Point well made, logical son.

So it was off to Philadelphia for a dinner-sized layover and then off to Columbus, Ohio, the second destination in our baseball college quest.  We arrived at 11 p.m., grabbed a rental car (not from Hertz), and drove our way over to Springfield, Ohio.  Once we checked into our room, we settled in and Ryan watched “Sportscenter”.  Of course.

The next morning, I wandered out to the common area to graze on the continental breakfast.  There, I met an Amish family who was also in the breakfast line.  We smiled and exchanged pleasantries, and as I was pouring my coffee, I admired their traditional Amish dress.  I wondered if they took a gander at me in my sweat pants, clipped up hair, over-sized t-shirt and socks.  Then the whole family sat down to eat together and watched t.v.!  I felt like I should call the Amish police!

Ryan and I then made our way through the cornfields of Ohio to a small school north of Springfield.  Ryan asked me where the city was located, and I explained that the three stoplights in the town constituted “the city”.  He looked at me in disbelief.  The closest my big city boy has been to farmland is Farmville on Facebook.  Quite the culture shock.

While the college campus was not as scenic as the previous school we visited, the enthusiasm of the coaches far exceeded their predecessors.  They made Ryan know that he would have innings to pitch and that he would be a key player for them.  They assured him he would be a “big fish in a small pond”.  To Ryan, it felt more like a birdbath, but he was excited about the opportunity.  I appreciated the extra time they spent with us and the stress they placed on the education factor of school.  While Ryan questioned whether he could live and attend school in an area smaller than his high school, he couldn’t help but appreciate that they wanted him, pitching style unseen.

When our day had ended, we had a lot of information to absorb, as well as a flight to Minneapolis to catch.  We Hertz’d through the airport once again, just in time to make our flight.  We then took our connection flight back to Arizona, where we arrived just after midnight.  We had touched five states in two days!

Ryan has a big decision ahead of him-choosing a school.  He must weigh his options and his feelings very carefully and I will support him in whatever he decides.  While I am sad to see him go, I know that this is just the experience he needs to grow up.  I spent seventy-two straight hours with my 20 year old son.  It was interesting to spend so much time with him since our schedules at home are so varied that we some times miss even seeing each other for days.  I got to see how naive he is about some things (no Ryan, you can’t joke about bombs in the security line) and how wise he has become (he was the voice of reason when I was all stressed about making it to our plane in time).  I hope he uses the chance to play baseball somewhere other than home to learn how to deal with all the lessons of life.  Especially the obstacles.

Last week, I had a conversation about parenting with two of my friends, Daryl and Lynn. We each have children of various ages and somehow our chat turned to parenting. Generally, I like talking to other parents about what they have found works in raising a healthy, self-sufficient human being. That is, I enjoy conversing about parenting styles until I find out I am doing it all wrong…

Daryl told us a story about how he cautioned his son to get in the car because they were getting ready to leave. He was explicit in his instructions and in the actual time the car would be leaving. His son dawdled and drug his feet and fully expected that everyone in the car would wait for him. Daryl said he and his wife fought the whole way home because he left when he said he was going to leave and that meant leaving his son behind. Although it wasn’t a long walk home, it was a walk his son never forgot: he was never tardy again. I sat there, astonished. Leave a child behind? I don’t know that I could have done it. Granted, it was day time, it was close to their house, and their son was not a small child at the time; would I have had the nerve to follow through on a threat like that? Then Daryl said something that resonated through me like an echo in a cave:

“You can’t threaten your kids and not back it up, otherwise they’ll call you “Mom”,” he said lightheartedly.  Lynn and I looked at each other and laughed.

I took a deep swig of my drink…that’s ME, I acknowledged to myself.  I am constantly threatening my kids and not following through.  I had the realization during our conversation that I am NOT a conscientious parent.  Are my children doomed?  Will they never have any integrity because they recognize that I am sorely lacking in that capacity?  I know that my children take advantage of me because I am a “soft touch.”  If I get a sob story or some waterworks or even a logical reason why I shouldn’t commit to my intentions, I may have a change of heart.  I am the “wishy-washy” parent!

Our discussion gave me pause to question my parenting tactics.  I dislike being the disciplinarian, but I know that it comes with the job description.  I want to be a “friend” to my children, but I know that is not in their best interest.  Later the next day, I seriously mulled over my shortcomings as a parent until I stopped and thought about my own parents:  they were nowhere near perfect when I was growing up.  They were inconsistent with their punishments, they lacked actualization in many of their plans and they wavered on decisions.  However, the did raise five resilient, decent children.  To their credit, my poor parents had teenagers in the 1960′s, 1970′s and 1980′s and had to deal with the changes of each decade.  They took things as they came and had to make many judgments and decisions that, as a child, I found questionable.  Looking at it from a parent’s perspective, I see they were just doing the best that they could.  I look at my brothers and sisters and, quite simplistically, think my parents did a good job considering none of us has wound up in jail, on drugs or homeless.  All in all, mission accomplished!  I began to cut myself some parenting slack.  The best I can do is love them and be there for them when they need me.  One day they will realize that I, too, did the best I could and that I am only human.  It’s ok not to be the most conscientious of parents if I can make it up in other important ways.

Which got me to thinking about Daryl’s son and his long walk home that day.  He probably was angry and dejected and just couldn’t believe that his dad had left him.  He knew then, too, that his dad was a man of his word and one day, he will respect him for being so conscientious.  And my kids will just continue to call me “Mom.”